A few days (and no few clarifying questions issuing from Chloe's crystal at odd hours) later, Nari will appear with a small cloth bag full of dice with engraved numbers.
"I wasn't quite sure about the numbering," she says as she hands the bag over, "but I tried to use the same kind of system that a regular die has, so hopefully it's not unfair. Although," she amends, crossing her arms with a grin, "whoever's rolling them will certainly say the dice are to blame if they do it poorly."
Chloe's more than a little excited when she goes to take the bag, reaching in to pull out some of the dice and shaking them in her hand with a grin. "I'll make sure they know who made them when they start bitching too much," she said more teasingly than anything else.
A flick of her wrist and she went to let them roll across the closest flat surface, nodding in approval as they rolled. "These are hella sick. Did you uh - want me to do anything to return the favor?"
Nari rubs the back of her head, the grin turning wry, "Oh, that'll make me the most eligible elf at the Arlathvhen for certain."
As far as returning the favor? She waves her hands in denial. "I like little projects like this. But if you insisted on feeling indebted... maybe I could play?"
"I always do what I can to help boost the reputation of others." Look how generous she is. Such a pal.
There's a small look of surprise on her face that that's the request of all things, before she gives a short laugh. "Of course you can, dude - I assumed you'd wanna if you were making the dice."
"I guess I should have asked for vast riches, huh." Nari says, grinning at the forthcoming prospect of the game. It's been a while since anyone's had a bit of lighthearted fun--especially fun that takes one out of oneself. "When are we playing?"
"If you wanted to be disappointed," she said with a snort. The bonus to getting free dice was that it meant Chloe might still be able to afford some food at the end of the day. Starving artist was a phrase that would describe her in any world.
She shrugs her shoulders slightly, going to look at the half-finished character sheets and the vague attempt at a board she's come up with. "A week, maybe? A little less if I can manage. A lot more people wanted in than I thought, which is pretty cool. But it means more work."
"I'm not too surprised." Nari says, "We could all use an escape." She ruffles the crop of her hair and whuffs a quiet laugh through her nose. "And honestly, being someone else for a while seems like a pretty fantastic idea at the moment."
A frown appears as she thinks of something, "Are we going to be all right sharing one set of dice? I can make another, although they won't be as nice."
"That's the appeal people seem to like the most at home. I'm not one to knock escapism." Without her usual coping mechanisms from home, even, she was finding she needed it more than ever. Picking up the dice again, she shook them in her hand.
"I think for the first game, one set should be alright. If just as many people who show up wanna continue playing, we'll probably need more, though."
sending crystal; during the Sunless Lands plot sometime
[ She was starting to think the thing was broken with that pause. But there's an obvious excitement in her voice after hearing Fern's from the crystal. ]
The mittens are great. [ She's freEZING. ] It's -- ... Fucking cold and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna end up punching one of the new rifters in the face, but. I guess things could be worse. Maybe.
Oh good, [said with clear relief,] I was worried I might've made them too thick and you wouldn't be able to--I don't know, pick anything up. ...What's the new rifter done?
[she stops short of asking whether there's actually no sun in the sunless lands, because that sounds like a dumb question.]
I think I'd rather be warm than able to pick shit up, so they wouldn't be too thick anyway. I can totally pick things up though. I mean as much as anyone can pick things up in mittens.
[ There's a long sigh, because this is gonna reveal Chloe for the judgmental teen she is. ] I dunno. Nothing? I mean maybe something. I haven't paid that much attention. He's just... whiny. He reminds me of a guy I know back home, I think.
[Mittens a categorical success, it appears--score.]
He already sounds annoying to me and I haven't met him, [Fern observes, deciding rather decisively that it's quite easy to dislike someone Chloe also dislikes. Funny how that works.
There's another pause as she tries to sort out how to voice her question. She fidgets.] But you're--safe. Aren't you?
[ That gets a small laugh, since she can appreciate that kind of trust in her judge of character. She doesn't get it a lot. ] He's fun to annoy at least. Which is good, because I could use the entertainment.
[ A lengthy pause. She's not sure how to answer it. She doesn't feel unsafe necessarily, not with as many people around who know what they're doing, but she's also... cold. And has no idea if anyone in the Inquisition actually has any idea what they're doing tbh.
She does her best to sound upbeat, though, and is rather skillfully avoiding the question. ] Aw, Fern, I'm touched. I didn't know you'd worry so much.
Well-- [Fern starts, before realizing she doesn't know what she wants to say, after that. For a few moments she doesn't say anything at all, though she can already tell that she's blushing furiously. There's not even anyone in her room to poke fun at the shy, involuntary smile that's tugging at the corners of her mouth, but she ends up covering her eyes with one hand anyway.
Oh, out with it already--]
...well, I do. I am. [a pause, and then,] I just want you to be all right, [quietly, shyly,] that's all.
[ If Prompto could see her right now, he'd be snickering and giving her shit for hours with the look she got from that reaction. Fuuuuuck, even she could tell that this crush was getting a little more intense than she expected it to. There's a pause at the realization, lengthy enough to make it sound like she might have disconnected from the conversation. She shouldn't be feeling this way, not when she's still getting over Rachel, but dammit, it's the first bit of warmth she's felt in days.
Even if her worry reminds her of Max, reminds her of how often she gets herself in trouble -- she needs to be more careful if someone is gonna care about her like that. She can't hurt her the way she hurt her best friend with how little she cared about her own well being. ]
[Oh, that is a very long pause--that can't be good. Fern scrunches up her face in a grimace and drops her forehead against her palm. She really shouldn't have said that, not with everything else that they're both grappling with--]
"... I'm okay. I promise."
[...oh. Fern curls her fingers against her mouth, chews a nail. Well now she's got to say something back.] Good, [said with a smile, and a bit of a nervous laugh,] I'm glad. Um--how much longer will you be out there?
[That's teen girl code for 'when can I see you again?' obviously.]
Shouldn't be too long. [ That's super specific, Chloe. But the chances of her having listened to when they would be able to return, plus the idea of giving a set date when who knew what kind of complications could come up in the process of things -- Well. Being vague seems better. ]
When I get back, I'll come find you before I even unpack my shit. That way you can see I'm all in one piece.
action! sometime in the evening, once Chloe's back in Kirkwall;
It takes a bit of time for her to quiet the butterflies in her stomach and instead summon up some courage to walk the distance between her room and Chloe's. Actually, it takes quite a lot of time, and she spends three quarters of it pacing slowly back and forth in front of her dresser practicing very carefully what she intends to say.
And she forgets most of it by the time she reaches Chloe's door. For a moment she fidgets indecisively, chewing at her thumbnail. Then, sighing, she reaches out and knocks, and promptly tries to find her chill so she won't look like a nervous wreck when Chloe opens the door.
Mostly since she'd gotten back, Chloe had been doing fuck all outside of staying as warm and Not Stranded In Snow as possible. She thought she was doing a pretty good job. Better than she had been on that stupid mission. She should have taken the time to maybe clean her clothes properly or pick up the trash that littered her room, but no. No, that just wouldn't make it homey, would it?
When she hears the knock, she'd been just about to relax with some elfroot (because it was the closest substitution she had dammit), and there was mild swearing as she forced herself to get up, not even stopping to think who might be on the other side. So when she sees Fern, there's a look of surprise, followed by a look of fuck I should have cleaned, and she somewhat embarrassingly opens the door open for her to come in.
"Hey - uh - I... I wasn't expecting anyone, sorry it's kinda a wreck." Crumpled up papers, discarded sketches, dirty clothes and then some. A lazy teenager's room if there ever was one.
...Yes, it might have been a good idea for Fern to give Chloe a heads-up via sending crystal that she was walking over. Immediately sheepish, Fern smiles nervously and threads a loose lock of hair behind one ear. "Oh--sorry," she admits, then fidgets with the crystal worn on a bit of twine around her neck. "I keep forgetting to use this thing. Most of the time I don't even remember to activate it."
A moment later, she looks up at Chloe again; she can feel her resolve to do this flagging, and quickly bolsters it up again. "Can I, um. Can I talk to you, about something? I don't mind the mess, really," she adds, "but we could pop down to the herb garden instead, if you want." She peers out one of the windows in the corridor, then back to Chloe's face; there's a tiny smile at the corners of her mouth now. "It's still sunny a bit sunny outside."
She shakes her head at the apology, waving it off with her hand pretty quickly. "I barely pay attention to that thing myself. You're allowed to come by whenever you want." Not an offer she might have extended to many, but it was becoming more than evident that she was one of those people who got a softer and more lenient side of Chloe than others did.
But, regardless of the fact that she'd be okay with her seeing the mess, she's quick to take the offer to have Fern not get stuck in it (especially with how many of those discarded drawings were of this particularly elf, embarrassingly enough) and she went to step out the door, closing it behind her quickly. Why turn down a walk outside, right? "Sure. Probably haven't gotten enough sun today anyway."
Fern blushes some, her smile growing a little shy, and looks away. "Well--thanks."
It takes her a moment to realize they're both just standing there in the doorway not moving, and that this is indeed something that could become awkward quickly. "Right," she says hastily, "let's just--" and the rest of what meant to say is left hanging as she leads the way out of the residences and down to the herb garden.
It's not an especially bright evening, given the clouds still have a tendency to roll in and obscure the sun as it makes its slow descent towards the horizon, but there's a nice warmth to the sunlight when it does reach the gardens, which Fern enjoys. She has her skinny arms folded over her chest as they step outside and takes an appraising glance around as though to make sure they're really alone--and they are--before she turns back around to face Chloe. When she does, she looks abruptly nervous again, and all the words she'd practiced in her room seem to disappear before she can speak them.
"Um," is her eloquent beginning, and she twists her fingers together. "I want to tell you something--but... but I think I've got to tell you something else, first--" Maker, how vague can she possibly get, "--and I'm not sure how to say any of it." A pause, followed by a self-deprecating sort of snort; she drops her eyes. "Sorry, I haven't even gotten started and I'm already all twisted up."
She'd walked along with her to the garden fairly quietly, especially for someone who usually liked to fill even the shortest silences up with all sorts of rambling so that it didn't get awkward. It wasn't so bad, though - nice, even? Though she'd already been itching to make some comment by the time they were the garden, turning towards her, like she was going to ask what she wanted to talk about, but she started fist and --
Those words make her stomach churn for some reason she can't put her finger on, and though she tries to keep it from showing on her face, she can't stop the way the light leaves her eyes for a second. I want to tell you something never ended well in her experience. It was always bad news - Bongo's not coming home, Dad's dead, I got a new boyfriend, I'm moving to Seattle - and she had a hard time not feeling like people only ever warned you they wanted to talk about something instead of just saying it when it was something awful.
She swallowed to try and get her throat to feel less dry before giving a short, somewhat forced laugh, trying to get the humor into her face as much as she could. "Take your time, dude - not like I've got anywhere better to be." Maybe that was too casual. Fuck. You're trying to hard to act natural here, Price. It's probably having the opposite of the desired effect.
"Take your time, dude - not like I've got anywhere better to be."
Those words do have an effect, though it's probably not the one Chloe was aiming for. Fern looks up at her quickly with eyes that are wide and startled, and for a terrible moment she freezes up completely and can't make herself speak. Her thoughts chase themselves in circles like a bunch of harried rabbits. Was this a mistake? She'd been so sure, in all of their conversations, but now the doubt is starting to creep in, and it's difficult to fend it off.
Her courage is failing her at an impressive rate, and if she doesn't say something soon, she knows she's going to end up hastily making her excuses and fleeing the herb garden entirely. Which is probably why she squeezes her eyes shut and just blurts out, "I like you, Chloe," even though that was not what she intended to say first.
She stands stock still, having said that, and then covers her her mouth with her hand. (Is she turning bright red? She's turning bright red.)
She's watching the way she reacts carefully, not sure if it was because she'd said the totally wrong thing or if she was just struggling that badly to tell her what was on her mind. If she had to look so frozen, so afraid of saying anything, then it had to be really bad, right? Like she was leaving Kirkwall for good or she was tired of hanging out with her or --
I like you, Chloe.
Or... that. Wait, what?
"You--" She cut herself off before she could repeat the words like a dumb parrot, her hands suddenly feeling a lot more sweaty than they had a second ago and her heart racing slightly. She knew that she wouldn't be blushing so hard necessarily if she didn't mean what she thought she meant, but there was still a part of her that was scared of getting her hopes up (or maybe a part of her that was scared she was assuming correctly, it wasn't obvious which was louder). "Like... a friend?"
Fern drops her hand some to stare back at Chloe. Oh, she wasn't going to make this easy, was she? "...No," she starts, pauses, then shakes her head and takes a little step forward. "I mean--yes, of course you're my friend, but--but that's not what I mean." She wavers indecisively a moment more, then closes the distance between them to reach out and take hold of Chloe's hands in both of hers.
Someone with a bit more experience, a bit more charisma, might know precisely what to say in this moment to clearly articulate her feelings, but that someone is definitely not Fern. Beet red and mute from her nerves, she looks at Chloe's hands rather than her face, and shyly strokes a thumb across her knuckles.
That's not what she meant. Chloe watched her carefully, stared at their clasped hands, the way her thumb stroked over the skin. She could feel her own face heating, her stomach tying in knots she couldn't quite explain. A part of her - the largest part - wanted to be happy and ecstatic that her feelings weren't one-sided and that she hadn't been the one to broach the subject for once. The other part, a part still connected to home, was wracked with guilt; it had only been a couple of months since she'd found Rachel's body, since she'd started to really grieve the loss of someone she'd loved so deeply. Was it fair to be happy about a crush in spite of it?
She swallowed roughly, realizing she hadn't... said anything. She hadn't pulled back, but she had just stared at their hands for probably a moment too long for comfort, and she startled slightly at the realization. Her eyes flickered back up to Fern's face, searching for something to say that wouldn't mess things up somehow.
"I..." That was a good start. She just needed to attach it to an actual statement. "I like you, too."
When her words interrupt the spell of silence that was starting to stretch on for seconds too long, Fern looks up at Chloe again with wide eyes, and though it takes a moment, the beginnings of another little smile quirk at the corners of her mouth. There's a warm, fluttery feeling in her stomach now, a sudden lightness in her head--and not even recalling the other, very unromantic things she'd promised herself to speak to Chloe about can completely chase those feelings away. She brightens, a bit resemblant of a spring flower finally getting a taste of sunshine after a bitterly cold winter.
"Well--good," she replies, her smile sheepish, then chews at her lower lip. It would be so nice, she thinks, to let the discussion end there--but it wouldn't be fair, either. "That, um. That wasn't all I needed to tell you, though. Here, let's--" Still holding onto Chloe's hands, she tugs her over to one of the benches in the herb garden and sits down, pulling her friend after her.
Well that was unfortunate. She had hoped that was the Big Thing, that maybe the whole bad news curse following those words had been broken, but That wasn't all I needed to tell you seemed to have broken that hope a bit. Chloe holds onto the confession in the back of her mind to keep that hope present as Fern tugs her to the bench, taking a seat next to her, not letting her hands pull away from the other girl's for a second. They're steadying. It's... nice.
"Alright." She tried to keep her voice even, searching her face for a moment like maybe she'd be able to make out the rest of what was coming by just studying her features long enough. All it does is make her note how nice her skin looks when the slowly setting sun is hitting it and how it brings out her freckles that much more, though.
Well, there's no backing out now--not with build-up like this. Fern makes herself stop chewing at her lower lip, though for the moment she can't quite make herself look up from their interlocking fingers. It's not the first time they've held hands, but it is the first time they've done so with that admission out in the open between them, and the newness of it is as frightening as it is exhilarating.
The brief silence that follows is inevitable. Her gaze still downcast, Fern gives Chloe's hands another quick squeeze, pressing her lips together. "I'm going on about all this just because... because I do like you, Chloe, I like you very much, and I had to tell you, I couldn't keep it to myself anymore," she goes on earnestly, "but all the rest of this is... it's a lot." She makes herself lift her eyes at least to peer at Chloe's face and try to gauge her response, her own blue eyes very anxious and afraid. "If it's too much," she adds softly, "I'll understand." It will hurt--but she will.
Was engaged. Was. She clings to that word because that's better than is engaged, which would have been something to make her pull her hands back entirely instead of just stiffening. He's... nice sums up about how worried she has to feel, she guesses, and while she can understand it's awkward, it's not something she's concerned about if it's just a was.
She vaguely remembers her mentioning a friend who died, never hearing the name, never knowing how important she was. The smile that reminds her of how she looked when she thought about Rachel immediately after that stupid concert in the Mill what felt like eons ago. It makes her stomach twist in knots, but there's still almost a sad comfort in knowing that her experience wasn't as far off from hers.
She wonders if she's supposed to be fully honest about all her things in return. Is that how this worked? They could be here for hours. "It's not too much," she blurts out finally, voice clear and sure in a way that it hasn't been before. She's dealt with crazier. At least she seems to know her parents are her parents and she's not pissing off any drug dealers or making friends with psychopaths.
"I..." Honesty. Shit. She pulls one of her hands back so she can rub her neck as she pushes forward. "I've got a lot of baggage myself, Fern, and I don't know if you'd want to put up with any of it when you've got so much going on in your own life. I know I told you about my - my girl... friend... Dying, but there's just so much more to it than all that and I don't know that I'd even know where to start telling you everything. Or if I should. I just -- I'm really fucked up, Fern, and I don't want you to get hurt."
"...there's just so much more to it than all that and I don't know that I'd even know where to start telling you everything. Or if I should. I just -- I'm really fucked up, Fern, and I don't want you to get hurt."
What to say to all of that? Fern sits quietly beside Chloe on the bench for a moment, still clasping one of her hands while searching her face, trying to figure out what to say that will somehow make all of this feel like the safe, sure choice she wants it to be. The love her parents shared certainly seemed to be like that, but perhaps that was only the side that they chose to show to their children; perhaps when they were young, their lives had looked a little like Fern's does now. Was the Fifth Blight so very different from a green tear in the sky?
She's let the silence go on for too long, and so gives Chloe's hand another little squeeze--and, after a moment of shy hesitation, lifts it up to dot a hasty kiss to her knuckles. "You don't have to tell me everything," she insists earnestly, meeting her eyes in what she hopes is an expression of openness and honesty. "Not--not right away, if you don't want to. I don't mind waiting." A pause, before she adds softly, "And I'm not afraid of getting hurt." Not anymore.
The kiss to her hands made her cheeks burn and she hoped to every god she could think of that it didn't turn them pink. There was a part of her that wanted to lean in and kiss her, to show her how much she cared without words, but she was never brave enough, not with anyone. Or maybe it just felt like too much, too soon. Regardless, there was a warmth in her skin where Fern's lips had touched, one that lingered and made her feel a pleasant flip in her stomach.
And I'm not afraid of getting hurt. But she was afraid of hurting her. Not too afraid to push her away, but afraid enough.
"I'm a Rifter." She feels like it needs to be said. Not because she thinks that Fern thinks less of her for it, or because she worries that it would change her mind - she's known she came through the rift from the start and that had never altered how she'd treated her, not even once. But it did mean something. "I don't know when I could leave. I'm trying to find a way to stay, but --" She cuts herself off for a moment, moving closer, holding onto her hands a little tighter. "But if you're okay risking that, I'm - I'll do it. This - us. Whatever you want us to be, I'm okay with it."
There's a heady lightness bubbling up inside her chest the more Chloe speaks, and though Fern can't complete shake the anxiety that comes part and parcel with growing so attached to a rifter--and a shemlen one at that, oh Maker, what will her family say--neither can she stop the slow, hopeful smile that tugs at the corners of her mouth and brightens her eyes. When Chloe shifts closer to her, she leans in too without even realizing it, hanging on her words--
"...But if you're okay risking that, I'm - I'll do it. This - us. Whatever you want us to be, I'm okay with it."
Fern's mind gifts her with one very vivid picture of what she imagines her mother's face will look like, once it all comes out into the open and the whole family discovers how much has changed. (Oh, they'll be so disappointed in her--)
She squeezes her eyes shut to chase the thought away--this is not the time--and then looks back up into Chloe's eyes with growing confidence. "I'm okay with it, too." For a second or two she dithers, chewing at her lower lip and fidgeting with Chloe's hand in hers, before she seems to decide fuck it and leans up to kiss her on the mouth.
The moment she saw her leaning in, she really should've known what was coming, but she'd been too distracted by the fact that she said she was okay with it too, that maybe that they were gonna be something even if they hadn't really vocalized what. Which is why when her face is suddenly very close and then she can taste her lips against hers, her eyes widen a fraction and she freezes on instinct - but at least doesn't fuck it up like she did with Max and pull back. No, she does the exact opposite.
Her eyes close quickly as she pressed her mouth a little more firmly against hers, because it's a real kiss and she'll be damned if she'll let that slip by. Her hand rested against one of Fern's arms and she can feel her cheeks burning, sure she's bright red and not caring. If people have given them funny looks for hugging, she didn't want to think how someone passing by would react to them kissing, and so she blocked it from her mind to stop herself from getting nervous.
There's no one in the garden to spy this stolen moment between them, but Fern is keenly aware in the back of her mind that there will be trouble, eventually. But mulling that over now is just borrowing trouble from tomorrow, and this is too precious to squander on things that can't be helped. She shyly reaches up both of her hands to touch the tips of her fingers to Chloe's cheeks, lets herself lean gently into the kiss, enjoying it in a way that had never been possible with Finch, or with Sina; things with Finch had always felt like a pair of ill-fitting shoes, through no fault of his own, and with Sina, the clock had run out on them both. Theirs had been a kiss goodbye. This--this gets to be a new beginning, full of excitement and possibility, even with all the uncertainty that must come with it.
She draws back after only a moment, but not so far away that there's any real space invited in between them; her hands fall to rest on Chloe's arms. "That was, um," she begins, smiling shyly, "really nice."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
action; after D&D crystal message!
"I wasn't quite sure about the numbering," she says as she hands the bag over, "but I tried to use the same kind of system that a regular die has, so hopefully it's not unfair. Although," she amends, crossing her arms with a grin, "whoever's rolling them will certainly say the dice are to blame if they do it poorly."
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A flick of her wrist and she went to let them roll across the closest flat surface, nodding in approval as they rolled. "These are hella sick. Did you uh - want me to do anything to return the favor?"
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As far as returning the favor? She waves her hands in denial. "I like little projects like this. But if you insisted on feeling indebted... maybe I could play?"
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There's a small look of surprise on her face that that's the request of all things, before she gives a short laugh. "Of course you can, dude - I assumed you'd wanna if you were making the dice."
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She shrugs her shoulders slightly, going to look at the half-finished character sheets and the vague attempt at a board she's come up with. "A week, maybe? A little less if I can manage. A lot more people wanted in than I thought, which is pretty cool. But it means more work."
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A frown appears as she thinks of something, "Are we going to be all right sharing one set of dice? I can make another, although they won't be as nice."
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"I think for the first game, one set should be alright. If just as many people who show up wanna continue playing, we'll probably need more, though."
sending crystal; during the Sunless Lands plot sometime
Chloe? It's Fern.
[...clearly.]
Um--how are things? [a pause,] are the mittens warm enough?
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The mittens are great. [ She's freEZING. ] It's -- ... Fucking cold and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna end up punching one of the new rifters in the face, but. I guess things could be worse. Maybe.
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[she stops short of asking whether there's actually no sun in the sunless lands, because that sounds like a dumb question.]
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[ There's a long sigh, because this is gonna reveal Chloe for the judgmental teen she is. ] I dunno. Nothing? I mean maybe something. I haven't paid that much attention. He's just... whiny. He reminds me of a guy I know back home, I think.
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He already sounds annoying to me and I haven't met him, [Fern observes, deciding rather decisively that it's quite easy to dislike someone Chloe also dislikes. Funny how that works.
There's another pause as she tries to sort out how to voice her question. She fidgets.] But you're--safe. Aren't you?
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[ A lengthy pause. She's not sure how to answer it. She doesn't feel unsafe necessarily, not with as many people around who know what they're doing, but she's also... cold. And has no idea if anyone in the Inquisition actually has any idea what they're doing tbh.
She does her best to sound upbeat, though, and is rather skillfully avoiding the question. ] Aw, Fern, I'm touched. I didn't know you'd worry so much.
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Oh, out with it already--]
...well, I do. I am. [a pause, and then,] I just want you to be all right, [quietly, shyly,] that's all.
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Even if her worry reminds her of Max, reminds her of how often she gets herself in trouble -- she needs to be more careful if someone is gonna care about her like that. She can't hurt her the way she hurt her best friend with how little she cared about her own well being. ]
... I'm okay. I promise.
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"... I'm okay. I promise."
[...oh. Fern curls her fingers against her mouth, chews a nail. Well now she's got to say something back.] Good, [said with a smile, and a bit of a nervous laugh,] I'm glad. Um--how much longer will you be out there?
[That's teen girl code for 'when can I see you again?' obviously.]
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When I get back, I'll come find you before I even unpack my shit. That way you can see I'm all in one piece.
action! sometime in the evening, once Chloe's back in Kirkwall;
And she forgets most of it by the time she reaches Chloe's door. For a moment she fidgets indecisively, chewing at her thumbnail. Then, sighing, she reaches out and knocks, and promptly tries to find her chill so she won't look like a nervous wreck when Chloe opens the door.
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When she hears the knock, she'd been just about to relax with some elfroot (because it was the closest substitution she had dammit), and there was mild swearing as she forced herself to get up, not even stopping to think who might be on the other side. So when she sees Fern, there's a look of surprise, followed by a look of fuck I should have cleaned, and she somewhat embarrassingly opens the door open for her to come in.
"Hey - uh - I... I wasn't expecting anyone, sorry it's kinda a wreck." Crumpled up papers, discarded sketches, dirty clothes and then some. A lazy teenager's room if there ever was one.
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A moment later, she looks up at Chloe again; she can feel her resolve to do this flagging, and quickly bolsters it up again. "Can I, um. Can I talk to you, about something? I don't mind the mess, really," she adds, "but we could pop down to the herb garden instead, if you want." She peers out one of the windows in the corridor, then back to Chloe's face; there's a tiny smile at the corners of her mouth now. "It's still sunny a bit sunny outside."
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But, regardless of the fact that she'd be okay with her seeing the mess, she's quick to take the offer to have Fern not get stuck in it (especially with how many of those discarded drawings were of this particularly elf, embarrassingly enough) and she went to step out the door, closing it behind her quickly. Why turn down a walk outside, right? "Sure. Probably haven't gotten enough sun today anyway."
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Fern blushes some, her smile growing a little shy, and looks away. "Well--thanks."
It takes her a moment to realize they're both just standing there in the doorway not moving, and that this is indeed something that could become awkward quickly. "Right," she says hastily, "let's just--" and the rest of what meant to say is left hanging as she leads the way out of the residences and down to the herb garden.
It's not an especially bright evening, given the clouds still have a tendency to roll in and obscure the sun as it makes its slow descent towards the horizon, but there's a nice warmth to the sunlight when it does reach the gardens, which Fern enjoys. She has her skinny arms folded over her chest as they step outside and takes an appraising glance around as though to make sure they're really alone--and they are--before she turns back around to face Chloe. When she does, she looks abruptly nervous again, and all the words she'd practiced in her room seem to disappear before she can speak them.
"Um," is her eloquent beginning, and she twists her fingers together. "I want to tell you something--but... but I think I've got to tell you something else, first--" Maker, how vague can she possibly get, "--and I'm not sure how to say any of it." A pause, followed by a self-deprecating sort of snort; she drops her eyes. "Sorry, I haven't even gotten started and I'm already all twisted up."
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Those words make her stomach churn for some reason she can't put her finger on, and though she tries to keep it from showing on her face, she can't stop the way the light leaves her eyes for a second. I want to tell you something never ended well in her experience. It was always bad news - Bongo's not coming home, Dad's dead, I got a new boyfriend, I'm moving to Seattle - and she had a hard time not feeling like people only ever warned you they wanted to talk about something instead of just saying it when it was something awful.
She swallowed to try and get her throat to feel less dry before giving a short, somewhat forced laugh, trying to get the humor into her face as much as she could. "Take your time, dude - not like I've got anywhere better to be." Maybe that was too casual. Fuck. You're trying to hard to act natural here, Price. It's probably having the opposite of the desired effect.
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Those words do have an effect, though it's probably not the one Chloe was aiming for. Fern looks up at her quickly with eyes that are wide and startled, and for a terrible moment she freezes up completely and can't make herself speak. Her thoughts chase themselves in circles like a bunch of harried rabbits. Was this a mistake? She'd been so sure, in all of their conversations, but now the doubt is starting to creep in, and it's difficult to fend it off.
Her courage is failing her at an impressive rate, and if she doesn't say something soon, she knows she's going to end up hastily making her excuses and fleeing the herb garden entirely. Which is probably why she squeezes her eyes shut and just blurts out, "I like you, Chloe," even though that was not what she intended to say first.
She stands stock still, having said that, and then covers her her mouth with her hand. (Is she turning bright red? She's turning bright red.)
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I like you, Chloe.
Or... that. Wait, what?
"You--" She cut herself off before she could repeat the words like a dumb parrot, her hands suddenly feeling a lot more sweaty than they had a second ago and her heart racing slightly. She knew that she wouldn't be blushing so hard necessarily if she didn't mean what she thought she meant, but there was still a part of her that was scared of getting her hopes up (or maybe a part of her that was scared she was assuming correctly, it wasn't obvious which was louder). "Like... a friend?"
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Fern drops her hand some to stare back at Chloe. Oh, she wasn't going to make this easy, was she? "...No," she starts, pauses, then shakes her head and takes a little step forward. "I mean--yes, of course you're my friend, but--but that's not what I mean." She wavers indecisively a moment more, then closes the distance between them to reach out and take hold of Chloe's hands in both of hers.
Someone with a bit more experience, a bit more charisma, might know precisely what to say in this moment to clearly articulate her feelings, but that someone is definitely not Fern. Beet red and mute from her nerves, she looks at Chloe's hands rather than her face, and shyly strokes a thumb across her knuckles.
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She swallowed roughly, realizing she hadn't... said anything. She hadn't pulled back, but she had just stared at their hands for probably a moment too long for comfort, and she startled slightly at the realization. Her eyes flickered back up to Fern's face, searching for something to say that wouldn't mess things up somehow.
"I..." That was a good start. She just needed to attach it to an actual statement. "I like you, too."
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When her words interrupt the spell of silence that was starting to stretch on for seconds too long, Fern looks up at Chloe again with wide eyes, and though it takes a moment, the beginnings of another little smile quirk at the corners of her mouth. There's a warm, fluttery feeling in her stomach now, a sudden lightness in her head--and not even recalling the other, very unromantic things she'd promised herself to speak to Chloe about can completely chase those feelings away. She brightens, a bit resemblant of a spring flower finally getting a taste of sunshine after a bitterly cold winter.
"Well--good," she replies, her smile sheepish, then chews at her lower lip. It would be so nice, she thinks, to let the discussion end there--but it wouldn't be fair, either. "That, um. That wasn't all I needed to tell you, though. Here, let's--" Still holding onto Chloe's hands, she tugs her over to one of the benches in the herb garden and sits down, pulling her friend after her.
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"Alright." She tried to keep her voice even, searching her face for a moment like maybe she'd be able to make out the rest of what was coming by just studying her features long enough. All it does is make her note how nice her skin looks when the slowly setting sun is hitting it and how it brings out her freckles that much more, though.
Fuck that's bad for focusing. "What's up?"
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...mostly frightening, right now, as she makes herself look up. "I was engaged to be married, not very long ago. To a boy--an elf," of course, "--from another farm back home. He's... nice," ouch, "but our parents had arranged it for us, so..." She takes a breath, then lets it out again, frees one of her hands enough to push a bit of hair out of her eyes. "Then when I left home and came here, I met Sina, and that's when I realized--well, you know." This she says with a tentative smile beginning at the corners of her lips, hoping she doesn't have to spell out what that particular revelation means to her. Then the smile fades; she drops he gaze some, her expression pained. "But she died," she makes herself go on, "before we got a chance to have--anything, really. And now my fiancé--um, my former fiancé, Finch, he's here in the Gallows, and even though we aren't getting married anymore, it's just so awkward every time we bump into each other. I think he must really hate me for running off, and I can't blame him if he does."
The brief silence that follows is inevitable. Her gaze still downcast, Fern gives Chloe's hands another quick squeeze, pressing her lips together. "I'm going on about all this just because... because I do like you, Chloe, I like you very much, and I had to tell you, I couldn't keep it to myself anymore," she goes on earnestly, "but all the rest of this is... it's a lot." She makes herself lift her eyes at least to peer at Chloe's face and try to gauge her response, her own blue eyes very anxious and afraid. "If it's too much," she adds softly, "I'll understand." It will hurt--but she will.
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She vaguely remembers her mentioning a friend who died, never hearing the name, never knowing how important she was. The smile that reminds her of how she looked when she thought about Rachel immediately after that stupid concert in the Mill what felt like eons ago. It makes her stomach twist in knots, but there's still almost a sad comfort in knowing that her experience wasn't as far off from hers.
She wonders if she's supposed to be fully honest about all her things in return. Is that how this worked? They could be here for hours. "It's not too much," she blurts out finally, voice clear and sure in a way that it hasn't been before. She's dealt with crazier. At least she seems to know her parents are her parents and she's not pissing off any drug dealers or making friends with psychopaths.
"I..." Honesty. Shit. She pulls one of her hands back so she can rub her neck as she pushes forward. "I've got a lot of baggage myself, Fern, and I don't know if you'd want to put up with any of it when you've got so much going on in your own life. I know I told you about my - my girl... friend... Dying, but there's just so much more to it than all that and I don't know that I'd even know where to start telling you everything. Or if I should. I just -- I'm really fucked up, Fern, and I don't want you to get hurt."
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What to say to all of that? Fern sits quietly beside Chloe on the bench for a moment, still clasping one of her hands while searching her face, trying to figure out what to say that will somehow make all of this feel like the safe, sure choice she wants it to be. The love her parents shared certainly seemed to be like that, but perhaps that was only the side that they chose to show to their children; perhaps when they were young, their lives had looked a little like Fern's does now. Was the Fifth Blight so very different from a green tear in the sky?
She's let the silence go on for too long, and so gives Chloe's hand another little squeeze--and, after a moment of shy hesitation, lifts it up to dot a hasty kiss to her knuckles. "You don't have to tell me everything," she insists earnestly, meeting her eyes in what she hopes is an expression of openness and honesty. "Not--not right away, if you don't want to. I don't mind waiting." A pause, before she adds softly, "And I'm not afraid of getting hurt." Not anymore.
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And I'm not afraid of getting hurt. But she was afraid of hurting her. Not too afraid to push her away, but afraid enough.
"I'm a Rifter." She feels like it needs to be said. Not because she thinks that Fern thinks less of her for it, or because she worries that it would change her mind - she's known she came through the rift from the start and that had never altered how she'd treated her, not even once. But it did mean something. "I don't know when I could leave. I'm trying to find a way to stay, but --" She cuts herself off for a moment, moving closer, holding onto her hands a little tighter. "But if you're okay risking that, I'm - I'll do it. This - us. Whatever you want us to be, I'm okay with it."
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"...But if you're okay risking that, I'm - I'll do it. This - us. Whatever you want us to be, I'm okay with it."
Fern's mind gifts her with one very vivid picture of what she imagines her mother's face will look like, once it all comes out into the open and the whole family discovers how much has changed. (Oh, they'll be so disappointed in her--)
She squeezes her eyes shut to chase the thought away--this is not the time--and then looks back up into Chloe's eyes with growing confidence. "I'm okay with it, too." For a second or two she dithers, chewing at her lower lip and fidgeting with Chloe's hand in hers, before she seems to decide fuck it and leans up to kiss her on the mouth.
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Her eyes close quickly as she pressed her mouth a little more firmly against hers, because it's a real kiss and she'll be damned if she'll let that slip by. Her hand rested against one of Fern's arms and she can feel her cheeks burning, sure she's bright red and not caring. If people have given them funny looks for hugging, she didn't want to think how someone passing by would react to them kissing, and so she blocked it from her mind to stop herself from getting nervous.
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She draws back after only a moment, but not so far away that there's any real space invited in between them; her hands fall to rest on Chloe's arms. "That was, um," she begins, smiling shyly, "really nice."